All posts by thefrightowl

Guy Woodhouse, You Despicable Bastard

If you’re a fan of horror movies or even movies in general, you know there is no shortage of characters to hate.  Some are just bad, some  are so bad you love to hate them, and some are the kind of bad that makes you afraid of them.

And then there’s this douchebag.

One of my favorite horror movies (see my Top 25) is Rosemary’s Baby.  It’s also home to one of the absolutely most despicable characters I’ve ever seen: Guy Woodhouse, poor Rosemary’s husband.

WARNING; If you haven’t seen the movie yet (and shame on you if you haven’t), here be spoilers.

The movie opens with Rosemary and her husband, Guy, apartment hunting in New York.  They end up in the Brown, an old building with a lot of frightening history, and make friends with the old couple living next door,  Roman and Minnie Castevet.  After having dinner with them one night, Guy grows close with them.

I’ll cut to the chase.  Minnie and Roman are actually Satan worshippers who help Guy become successful after he consents to allowing Rosemary to be raped and impregnated by the devil.

And if that last sentence doesn’t do it for you, let me run down the reasons why I hate him so much:

  • Rosemary is a sweet, naive young woman who loves Guy and wants nothing more than to have his children and live a happy life with him.  Guy knows this, and he sacrifices her happiness to get ahead in his profession.
  • He tells her he wants to have a baby, something she wants so, so much.  Then, he drugs her, undresses her for the ritual to take place in front of the Satan-worshippers, and – what was the last thing? Oh, yeah – allows her to be RAPED BY SATAN!
  • He repeatedly makes Rosemary feel like crap during her pregnancy.  She gets a haircut (THE iconic pixie haircut), and he tells her multiple times how terrible it looks (very minor compared to rape, but still).  She says she wants to get a second opinion about the terrible pain she’s experiencing, and he says he won’t let her do it because it isn’t fair to her doctor.
  • He sacrifices Rosemary’s friend (and his friend), Hutch, to ensure that he doesn’t get in the way.  THEN, he throws away a book that is the only thing Hutch leaves Rosemary.  Yeah, he throws it away to keep Rosemary from reading anything else about Roman’s history, but it’s a pretty crappy thing to do.
  • This line: “They told me you wouldn’t be hurt, and you haven’t been, really.  Supposing you had the baby and you lost it. That would be the same thing, wouldn’t it?  And we’re getting so much in return, Ro.”  Ugh!
  • And one more time for those in the back:  HE ALLOWS HER TO BE RAPED BY SATAN.imageYep. This guy.

Whoa.  I got pretty riled up and angry just from writing all of that.  I just cannot stand this guy.  So what about you?  Are there any characters in horror movies that just make your skin crawl?

Throwback: Bloody Mary and Other Deadly Games

I remember watching Candyman at a sleepover I hosted when I was little.  My friends and I decided to test the movie’s premise by speaking the name ‘Candyman’ 5 times in the mirror in the bathroom.  (Spoiler Alert: He didn’t show.)

My aunt came over when we were in the middle of it, and being an inquisitive individual, she asked, “What the hell are you doing?!  What were you going to do if he showed up? Die?”

I guess we hadn’t thought that far ahead.

But being idgit kids, we played these games over and over and over.  And being an idgit adult, I decided to play a few tonight, just for the sense of nostalgia.  Here are my favorite deadly games from yesteryear:

Bloody Mary

image

Not this.

I really don’t think I need to explain this one, but just in case you’re a mole person that just escaped your hatch, you basically speak the name “Bloody Mary” three times in front of a bathroom mirror in the dark and she appears to kill you, or hurt you, or read you a scary story or something.

So I went to my bathroom, turned the lights off, and said the magic words.  She was a no-show.  But then I decided to pee while I was in there and found out I had started my period. Success?

Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board

image

This one probably needs very little explanation.  A group of kids surround a kid who is lying on the floor.  Each kid puts two fingers under the lucky kid on the floor and chants “light as a feather, stiff as a board” repeatedly until the kid magically floats off the floor.  Just good old-fashioned witchcraft at its finest, folks.

Well, as you can tell from the description above, you need more than a few people to do this one, but I improvised by getting my husband and dog involved.  Since my dog doesn’t have fingers, she got to be the lucky one on the floor.

And she was not having it.

We attempted to do the chanting and the lifting, but she just wiggled around until we gave up.  I mean, we were able to lift her, but it wasn’t really in the spirit of the game.

Concentrate

image

We’d do this one while waiting in lines in elementary school.  Two people play.  One pounds lightly on the other’s back while chanting “Concentrate. Concentrate. Concentrate on what I’m saying. People are dying. Children are crying. Concentrate. Concentrate.”  Not awkward at all.

Anyway, creepy verses follow that have corresponding hand movements for effect.  You can check out this link for the full thing.  Afterward, the kid not chanting is supposed to open her eyes and find out how she’s going to die according to whatever colored door she sees.  Makes sense, right?

My husband took a bit of convincing because, for some reason, he didn’t want to know how he was going to die.  Go figure.  He didn’t really have to worry about anything.  I couldn’t get through it.  It’s actually really weird to chant something to someone’s back, even  if that person is your spouse.

Ouija Board

image

Um…no.  Not touching this one.  The closest I’m getting to these is this tin of mints I bought at Spirit Halloween last year.

If you want to play around with this one again, be my guest.  But fair warning:

Do you want demons?  ‘Cause that’s how you get demons.

Well, it was fun walking down memory lane, but it really made me realize how little boundaries children have…and how dumb they can be.  Like, what were we going to do with Candyman if he showed up?

Top 5 Most Disappointing Movie Monsters

We’ve all been there.  You’re watching a horror movie.  Strange, scary things are happening, and you just know whatever is the cause has got to be equal parts creepy and awesome.

Then, it shows up.  And it kinda sucks.  Why did it have to suck?

So in honor of our shared disappointment, this Top Tuesday post is dedicated to the Top 5 Most Disappointing Movie Monsters.

Quick disclaimer: I will not be including any SyFy movies in this list or else it would’ve been too damn long.  And it would have been redundant.  Most of them are supposed to be stupid, right?

5.  Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark

I was pretty excited for this movie when it was advertised. I only saw the trailers that didn’t show the creatures (I try to limit my views of horror movie trailers so they aren’t ruined), so I had no idea that the BIG BAD THINGS were cute, little fairy-like creatures. I mean, I wouldn’t mind having one of these little guys as a pet. I’d dress it up, take it to the park, feed it nice things. One thing I wouldn’t do is be terrified of it.

4.  Cloverfield

I can’t say so much that I was disappointed in what this monster looked like; I was just disappointed they showed it all. It wasn’t that bad or anything. In my opinion, the movie just went downhill after they fully showed the big guy. I liked the glimpses, just not the whole enchilada. It was too much enchilada. Like when you think you can eat three at a Mexican restaurant, but you really should have only tackled two. You don’t hate the enchiladas. You just know you had too much.

3.  Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension

I’ve said before that I love the Paranormal Activity movies. I just do. I enjoy the subtle effects and the storyline.  Toby, little Kristie’s best friend, is the malevolent force behind all the chaos in the movies, and I think Toby, in his invisible form, was pretty cool.

And then they gave us the sixth installment, Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension.

It wasn’t exactly terrible.  It just sorta ruined the air of mystery surrounding Toby.  I admit I was pretty excited to find out that they were going to “show the activity” in this one, but I was pretty disappointed to see Toby as just another CGI ghost.  Oh well.  It didn’t ruin the series for me. I just wasn’t a fan of visible Toby.

2.  Stephen King’s The Langoliers

This one’s a little obscure if you aren’t a fan of 90s-era Stephen King TV movies, but it makes the list because it annoyed me soooooo much as a kid. I was so excited about The Langoliers when it was advertised.  I remember even asking one of my teachers in fifth grade if he knew what they were at recess.  Surprise, surprise. He didn’t.

So I watched this movie.  If you don’t know, it’s about a group of people on a plane that flies through the aurora borealis.  Everyone who was awake when that happens disappears, and those that were asleep awake to find themselves wondering why the hell all these people left without their clothes, wigs, pacemakers, and dentalwork.

Thankfully, one of the sleepy passengers just so happens to be a pilot who is able to land the plane at a deserted airport.  After some quick sleuthing and leaps of logic, they figure out they went back in time, proving what middle schoolers already know – history is boring.

One of the passengers, an annoying businessman expertly played by Bronson Pinchot, tells a story about the Langoliers, monsters his dad used to tell him would come and eat him alive if he was bad.  They end up hearing a buzzing noise off in the distance and decide they should get out of there before the source makes it to them.   When the source finally shows up – the titular Langoliers – they are nothing but flying cannonballs with teeth, eating the landscape and devouring time as we know it. WTF, guys?

1.  Stephen King’s IT (*Not Pennywise. He’s Cool.*)

Yep.  Another King entry.  It makes me a little sad to add this one to the list, but as much as I love Stephen King’s It and as much as it holds a very special place in my heart, even I can admit the monster reveal at the end was a let-down.  Maybe it was because Pennywise was so awesome.  There just wasn’t anything they could do to top him, so I imagine the conversation went something like this:

Guy 1: “Okay, we need something to be the actual monster at the end, so what could be scarier than this clown guy?”

Guy 2: “Giant spider?”

Guy 3: “…Yeah. Giant spider.”

Guy 1: “I guess. Let’s tell the effects team.”

Fin.

So those are the top 5 monsters that disappointed me.  Are there any that I missed that made you a little sad?

Have You Heard of the Goatman?

It’s another edition of Friday Night Frights, and for this one, I really want to draw your attention to one of my all-time favorite scary stories.  Have you heard of the Goatman?

There are Goatman legends in quite a few parts of the country, namely the Pope Lick Monster in Kentucky, the Lake Worth Monster in Texas, and the Goatman of Maryland.

But I’m not talking about those.

I am from Oklahoma, so Native American folklore has always been pretty fascinating to me.   I grew up around Native American burial grounds, and there have been more than a few arrowheads found around my childhood home.  Since I’ve always been a horror junkie, these circumstances have fueled my imagination ever since I was little because – well – burial grounds = dead people = ghosts.

Like these guys but – you know – scarier.

So when I came across Anansi’s Goatman Story a few years ago, I immediately fell in love.  If you haven’t read it, I suggest you go read it now…unless it’s still daytime.  Wait until night for a better effect.

In my opinion, this version of the Goatman is the most terrifying.  This story just speaks to me. My house was near the woods, so I have little trouble imagining myself in the same situation.  I can remember so many fun times with my friends out there in the forest: camping out, having sleepovers with late-night treks through the trees, and telling so many scary stories that every snap and crackle we heard became a monster.  I can’t tell you how many times my friends and I were alone out there at night.

forest-868082_1280

Thinking about hearing strange jabbering noises coming from the dark woods while you’re helpless to do anything, smelling something so out-of-place it puts you on edge, and realizing one of the people in your group doesn’t belong – well, that just creeps me right the hell out.  But in an extremely good way.

Because of the popularity of this story, other internet storytellers have hopped on board the Goatman train.  And I love every story I read.  There have been stories on Reddit’s No Sleep and Creepypasta that have a similar vibe, and I hope they keep coming.  Just check them all out.

So what’s your favorite scary story?

PVC Pipe: A DIYers Best Friend

PVC pipe.  If you haven’t played around with this stuff, you’re missing out on some fun.  It is so versatile.  Just type “PVC PROJECTS” in Pinterest and feast your eyes on all the cool things you can do.

I never knew how much I loved PVC pipe projects until I saw a picture of a zombie prop frame and decided to try my hand at it.  I got my project list, headed to Lowe’s, and ended up with this just a little while later:

20141021_214215

You’ll have to forgive the low-light pic.  Just look at this cool thing.  It was my first prop project, but let me tell you something.  It wasn’t the last.  Check out these fun monsters I made this year with a PVC pipe base, some masks, clothes, and foam heads:

2015101795210741

20151101_133025

2015101795192514

20151101_132950

20151018_16243820151101_133003I’m really glad I had the after picture for this last one.

If you want to try some projects out for yourself (and I know you do), just go to your local Lowe’s or Home Depot and check out their selection.  The pipe itself comes in quite a few sizes, and there are fittings of all sizes and angles to make your wildest dreams come true!

Okay. Maybe not your wildest dreams, but you’ll be able to do some pretty cool stuff with it.  They’re like adult tinker toys.  Seriously.  It’s so fun.

Here are a few tips and tricks to get you started:

1)  BUY A PVC PIPE CUTTER!  There’s a reason this one is #1 and in all caps.  It’s important.  I tried using a hacksaw the first time followed by an extra small rotary saw blade.  It sucked.  PVC dust went everywhere, and that’s just not healthy. You can buy one of these cutters at Lowe’s or Home Depot for cheap, and it makes all the difference.

2)  Use PVC glue to make your props permanent.  Or you can use them on select fittings to keep your props a little more stable but still able to be deconstructed easily.  I don’t use the glue much because I like to be able to take my props apart completely.  When you have as much Halloween stuff as I do, space is a big deal.

3)  Measure your own limbs and proportions to decide how big you want your prop.  PVC pipe is relatively cheap, but you don’t want to waste it by cutting the wrong sizes.  Make sure to account for the length of the fittings you want to use.

4)  Draw it out.  The only art skill you need for this is basic stick figure drawing.  Drawing your prop first and counting the angles and connection points helps greatly with knowing how many fittings of each type you need.

5)  Get creative with combining these projects with other prop-making materials.  You can add thickness and depth to your props by using chicken wire or cardboard under clothes/costumes, or you can use spray paint directly on the pipe to make cages or “steel” pipes in your Halloween display.  There are just so many options.  For instance, with some thick-gauged wire, cardboard cut in the shape of my palm, and masking tape, I made these creepy, skeletal hands and arms.

20140909_202908

So get out there and try some fun projects of your own.  There’s no wrong way to do it.  Unless you don’t use a PVC pipe cutter.  That’s just dumb.

Motherly Love: The Lessons We’ve Learned

Happy Mother’s Day!

Okay, I know Mother’s Day was yesterday, but we should really be celebrating our mothers every day.  Shouldn’t we?  Moms are so important.  I know that I’ve been so lucky to have such a loving mother in my life.  She’s funny, loving, smart – the whole package, really.

pregnancy-466129_1280

But this isn’t the place to talk about all that mushy stuff.  So let’s stick with the status quo and discuss what horror movie moms have taught us:

Lesson:  It’s important to have a moral compass.

Mother: Margaret White (Carrie)

Carrie’s mom just wanted her daughter to follow the righteous path.  Maybe Carrie’s telekinetic powers came naturally to her.  But maybe – just maybe – they came from Satan.  Not Margaret White’s baby!  She was ready to do anything and everything to keep her daughter from landing in the fiery pits of hell, including straight-up murdering Carrie to save her soul.  It’s tough to have to make those kinds of decisions.

Lesson: It’s important to be polite. (Also, don’t wear white after Labor Day.)

Mother: Beverly Sutphin (Serial Mom)

Social niceties are important.  You don’t just steal parking spaces or stand someone’s daughter up for a date in a civilized society – not without consequences.  Beverly Sutphin knew this and tried her darndest to teach impolite people why they needed to die for their slights.  And for wearing white after Labor Day.

Lesson: Explore your talents.  If you’re good at something, it’ll pay.

Mother: Norman Bates/Mother (Psycho)

Ms. Bates was a little domineering.  We all know that.  But she was only looking out for the best interests of her child.  Would Norman have gotten as far in life without Mother’s support?  Telling him when to change the bed sheets, when to turn on the ‘Vacancy’ light, which guests to kill, how to cultivate his skill in taxidermy so that she could “live on” after death?  I’ll tell you where he’d be.  He’d be just another boring guy working at a failing motel.  Listen to your mom.  Mother knows best.

Lesson: Cleanliness is next to godliness.

Mother: Woman (The People Under the Stairs)

Little Alice was bad.  She was friends with Roach, who spoke against her “parents.”  Sometimes children need discipline for going against their parents’ wishes, and sometimes that discipline needs to be a scalding hot bath to wash away their sins.

Lesson:  If anyone hurts my baby, there’ll be hell to pay.

Mother: Pamela Voorhees (Friday the 13th)

A good mother loves her child unconditionally and will go to terrifying lengths to protect/avenge him.  Oh, so Jason drowned while you were having unprotected sex and getting high on all kinds of drugs?  No problem. Ms. Voorhees will slice-and-dice you and every counselor there ever was.  Don’t come between a mother and her child, or you might just end up dead.

blood-frame-1174086-1278x893-fi-BSK

These are just some of the important lessons we’ve learned from the horror movie mommies in our lives.  And those are some pretty good lessons.  They might be a little more violent than necessary, but well, no mother is perfect.

I mean, my mom is, but that’s beside the point.

Throwback: Tales from the Crypt

Hello, Boils and Ghouls.  For this edition of Throwback Thursday, I thought I’d talk about one of my favorite shows as a kid: Tales from the Crypt.  I’d always stay up on Saturday nights to make sure I didn’t miss an episode.  I still L-O-V-E this show.  Let’s talk about why you should, too.

image

The Opening & Theme Song

From the very beginning, this show captured my attention.  There aren’t many shows I watch that I make a point of also watching the opening sequence every single time (Game of Thrones and Black Sails now also hold that honor).

I’d hear the groan of the wrought iron gate and immediately snap to attention.  I always wanted to visit that house as a kid – creepy decor, secret passageways, and it’s own basement crypt.  What kid wouldn’t love that?

And can I just say how much I love the theme song?  It’s actually been my ringtone for a few years now.  Danny Elfman is one of my favorite composers.  His music style is fun but still dark and perfectly set the tone of the show.

The Cryptkeeper 

The man himself.  The Ghostess with the Mostess.  I loved this guy. Still do, really.  He had just the right amounts of both fright and charm.  Not many people – dead or alive – can get away with the amount of puns that he could, and he was a master of it.  Sure, it was painful at times, but that was what made it so fun.

John Kassir’s voice work made Mr. Keeper an icon.  If the new version of Tales from the Crypt actually gets on the air, I doubt the new host will even come close to measuring up.

The Effects

I’m a fan of gore, and this show had no shortage of it.  Blood, guts, maggots – the special effects team brought it.  So it wasn’t realistic.  So what?  So someone that just died wouldn’t have rotted that much already.  So what?

So what?

The Guest Stars

This is what gives this show the greatest re-watch value.  There were so many great guest stars.  Catherine O’Hara, Demi Moore, Jeffrey Tambor, Steve Buscemi, Tom Hanks, Dan Aykroyd, Daniel Craig, and – my favorite – Tim Curry are just a few of the awesome stars that made an appearance on this show.  It’s so fun to watch serious actors ham it up in these crazy stories.

The Stories

The show itself was based on the comic books by the same name, so there was no shortage of crazy content. Episodes ranged from the comical, like the living comic book in “Korman’s Kalamity,” to the downright terrifying, such as the horrifying haunted house in “Television Terror.”

There were no happy endings in the Tales from the Crypt world. I have such fond memories of Morty the “hand puppet” (Not the meat grinder!).  Even when it almost works out for the main character, it doesn’t.  There’s always the twist at the end.

Whoa.  Maybe that’s why M. Night Shyamalan is rebooting it.  He just can’t get away from the twists.

image

So glad I could SCARE up a few memories about one of my most FEAR-vorite shows.  Now, I’m just DYING to watch my collection again.

Man, I’m really bad at that.

Paranormal Celebrations, True Stories

Happy Paranormal Day!  I hope everyone out there is getting a good dose of the supernatural, but in case you’re struggling to find the right way to celebrate, here are my suggestions.

  1.  Watch a little Paranormal Activity…with your imagination.  I will defend these movies forever.  Just imagine yourself in those situations.  Would you need crazy CGI to freak out if you were in those characters’ shoes?  No.  You wouldn’t.
  2.  Read a good piece of supernatural fiction.  My favorites are the Anita Blake and Hollows series.  They might not be truly scary, but I love the magical worlds Laurell K. Hamilton and Kim Harrison create.
  3.  Get lost in the true and not-so-true creepy stories on Reddit on subreddits like NoSleep or Paranormal.  I’d also suggest searching for creepy stories on the AskReddit subreddit.  I love reading about people’s scary experiences.

tension-fi-NathanGrey

Now for a true story.  Let me set the stage.

I was a freshman in high school, and my mother, sister, and I had just gotten home after a grocery trip one day after school.  As my mother began to prepare our dinner and my sister started to pass some time on the computer in the dining room, I remembered I had a permission slip that I needed signed for a field trip.  So, I went to my room at the back of the house to search my backpack.

My room was right across from my parents’ bedroom, and at this time my bed was situated where the end of the bed was even with the edge of my door frame about 10 feet across the room.  My mother that day was wearing a cream-colored sweater. This comes into play in a minute.

While I was searching for the permission slip in my backpack at the foot of the bed, I heard my dad come home.  He was talking to my mom and sister, and I could hear them joking around.   I finally found the piece of paper I was looking for, and while I was wrestling it from the other papers in my bag, I saw very clearly with my peripheral vision my mother walk past my doorway and into her bedroom into her closet.

Or so I thought.

I told her to wait one second while I got her to sign the paper, and I heard a very clear, “Hmm?”  I immediately followed her into her room with the paper and a pen and turned into the walk-in closet.

No one was there.

I stood there for a few seconds, really confused because I had JUST SEEN HER WALK IN THERE and she had JUST ANSWERED ME.  I walked back to the kitchen and saw that my mom was exactly where I left her, washing vegetables for dinner.  My sister was still on the computer, and my dad was taking off his work boots.

What. The. Hell.

I walked back to my parents’ room, but – of course – nothing was there.  I didn’t really expect there to be.  I was so weirded out that I didn’t even make a big deal about it, which is pretty strange because I’m all about this stuff normally.  I just couldn’t believe that had just happened.  I ended up telling my mom about it one day, and she said that the house could be creepy sometimes but that it was probably nothing.  My sister thought it was cool and said she felt creepy in the back of the house at times.

I forgot about it for the longest time until one day my family and I were eating dinner at a restaurant in Branson.  We were talking about creepy things, and my dad happened to mention that he thought there was something in our house.  He said he’d seen out of the corner of his eyes a Native American woman in a cream-colored shawl walk around our house at least a few times.

Say what now?

I had a momentary freak-out when I heard this and told him about the woman I had seen go into his bedroom closet.  He just said that he believed it.  My parents’ house is located in Eastern Oklahoma, and there are quite a few Native American burial grounds close to our house.  It’s very possible we have a few ghosts that call our land home.

Each of my family members’ have seen or felt creepy things in the back of our house from time to time.  My sister has even had a few things moved from her shelves and placed on the floor in her room.

Silly ghosts.

So that’s my story.  It’s not flashy, but it’ll do.  Anyone out there have a creepy paranormal encounter?  I’d love to hear it.

 

 

 

 

 

Horror Movie Streaming

I love horror movies.

Surprising, I know.

I have quite the collection, but even I run out of things to watch from time to time.  That’s why I was so excited to discover that there are actually streaming services that specialize in horror movies.  Yeah.  That’s a thing.

Now, there are a few of these streaming services out there.  Let’s look at the 3 I’ve found.

FRIGHTPIX

Frightpix has one big thing going for it.  IT’S FREE.  The movie selection isn’t great, but there are a few hidden classics in there – namely The Last House on the Left, An American Werewolf in London, and Suspiria.

The rest are mostly B-movies, straight-to-DVD types (*cough*Poultrygeist*cough*) that are good for a laugh but don’t have any real substance.  Regardless, check out Frightpix if you want a quick, cheap horror fix.

SCREAMBOX

Screambox is pretty cheap at $3.99 per month (or $2.99 per month with an annual membership), and it has a few gems in there – Scream 2, The Hills Have Eyes, Hellraiser, and The Prophecy series just to name a few.  It also has the full Masters of Horror series, which is pretty great.  It might have been more of a selling point for me if I didn’t already have them, but if you don’t, it’s definitely a plus.

SHUDDER

Shudder is more expensive than Screambox at $5.00 per month, but this is the one I ultimately chose just because of the selection it offers. It’s got a wide variety from classics like Nosferatu to newer, critically-acclaimed horror like Let the Right One In.

Movies can be browsed in alphabetical order, or they can also be browsed by collection, such as Comedy of Terrors, Monster Mash, and A-Horror.  The A-Horror collection was probably what sold me.  I love Asian horror movies like Shutter and Audition, so the fact that they had their own section made me smile.

spooky-tv-ghost-static-fi-BobSmith

So if you’re looking for something to supplement your horror collection, my recommendation is a subscription to Shudder with a side-order of Frightpix.

How do you satisfy your horror cravings?  I’d be interested to know what others think of these services.  My experience so far has been positive, so I think I’ll keep Shudder around at least for now.

 

Make It Work

I love Halloween, but that does not mean I have an all-inclusive attitude toward Halloween things.  I have drawn a definitive line at the cutesy stuff.  Halloween is meant to be scary or, at the very least, dark and mysterious.  I don’t want to look at Halloween things and think “Awww! How adorable!”

Unless you’re talking about little trick-or-treaters.  I had at least 3 Elsas come to my door last year, and I thought they were precious.

Anyway, I say this to tell you that my prejudice against the cute almost made me miss out on a pretty sweet deal.  A few years ago, my husband and I were at Lowe’s two days before Halloween, and they were clearancing out their merch to make way for Christmas stuff.  I only glanced at their dwindling selection.  One of the clearanced items was an adorable (read: nauseatingly cute) life-sized, animated witch, complete with pastel pink striped socks, cute little boots, and pink ribbon in her bodice and hat.  She was also wearing a brightly-colored tutu.

20141030_162018

That’s right.  A tutu.

Needless to say, this didn’t sit well with me, and I began to move along, but my husband stopped me.  Like me, my husband can’t pass up a good deal, so he’s always on the lookout for a sale. He noticed a sign that said clearance items were an additional 75% off their already 50% marked down price.  That meant that this cutesy, originally $150 witch was now $20.

*Record Scratch*

Halloween prop-making was still new to me, so my first thought hadn’t been how to make this work.  Those thoughts were just, “Ew. Cute. No.” But after finding out about the crazy low price, I started thinking about how I could improve it.  I mean, $20 for a life-sized prop is a freakin’ amazing deal, and I couldn’t pass it up.  I knew I had craft paint to up the creep factor and a few black capes I could use to cover the skirt at home.  So $20 and some change later, we were loading that baby up in my car.

And this is what she looks like now.

20141030_213607

Pretty sweet, right?  She’s been greeting trick-or-treaters at my front door for the past two years, and now I never turn down something at first site.

2015103195183720