Category Archives: Songs

Frightful Comedy: Stephen Lynch’s Halloween

I love scary things.  If you’ve been reading the blog, I’m sure you already know that.  But I like to laugh, too.  A lot.  So mixing creepy with funny almost always makes me happy.

I stumbled across this little gem a few days ago.  I’m already a fan of Stephen Lynch’s comedy (his song, “Beelz,” is one of my favorites), so I was surprised I hadn’t already heard it before.    And since I hadn’t heard of it, I’m sure there are people like me who would also like to check it out.

Stephen Lynch – Halloween

Thinking of all the cool creatures
That I will meet… on this night.
Ghosts and goblins and witches,
Roaming the streets… in moonlight.

Bowls of candy and goodies,
Delicious and waiting… in store.
The sound of cute little footsteps
As they approach…my front door.

Letting the children inside to drink beers,
Razorblades hidden in Three Musketeers,
Screams from the basement of kids begging to be set free,
That’s what Halloween means to me.

Tightening the clamps that are holding
Their little heads… so tight.
Putting my lips to their ears
As I whisper, “Please… don’t fight.”

I promise I’ll let you go home
If you swear not to tell… a soul!
Well, I’ll just untie these—I’m kidding.
Now, where is my chainsaw? Let’s rock and roll!

A pinch of your brother, a teaspoon of you,
With the head of your sister, would make a good stew.
I’d give you a taste, but your tongue’s in the stew. Irony!
That’s what Halloween means to me.

Trick-or-treat, smell my feet,
Give me something good to eat.
Trick-or-treat, smell my feet,
Give me someone… good to eaaaat!

Throwback: Creepy Kids Songs

Does anyone else remember those fun songs we use to sing as kids in Kindergarten?  Little Bunny Foo Foo? Baby Bumblebee?  Yes? No?  Whatever.  Whether you do or you don’t, I think you know where this blog post is going.

My favorite kiddie songs, of course, were those we sang around Halloween.  I’m not sure why, but one of them popped in my head the other day.

“Stirring and stirring and stirring my brew”

(*Make stirring motion with hands.*)



(*Move hands down in front of your face.*)


“Tip toe, tip toe, tip toe, BOO!”

(*Make ‘tip toe’ motion with fingers before scaring the person next to you.*)

Cute, right?

And then there’s the always awesome “The Hearse Song,” edited to show how I always sang it as a kid:

“Don’t you ever laugh as a hearse goes by,
For you may be the next to die.
They wrap you up in a big white sheet
and cover you from your head to your feet.
They put you in a big black box
And cover you up with dirt and rocks.
All goes well for about a week,
And then the coffin begins to leak.
The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out,
They play pinochle on your snout,
They eat your eyes, they eat your nose,
They eat the jelly between your toes.
A big green worm with rolling eyes
Crawls in your stomach and out your sides.
Your stomach turns a slimy green,
And pus pours out like whipping cream.
You’ll spread it on a slice of bread,
And that’s what you eat when you are dead.”

Loved. That. Song.  And my aunt always added a quick, rousing rendition of “Gopher Guts” after the end of that one with a quick intro to make it flow right:

“It tastes like…

Great big gobs of ooey, gooey gopher guts!

Great big mounds of mutilated monkey meat!

Great big gobs of ooey, gooey gopher guts!

Oh, I forgot my spoon!

But I got my straw.

Slurp! Slurp! Slurp! Slurp!”

[Repeat last two lines three times]

It just makes me smile thinking about those little songs.  They’re a little cute, a little creepy, and just fun to sing.

Are there any creepy songs from your childhood that you still like to sing from time to time?