I Saw The Ring: Not a Movie Review

I would really like to know what mad marketing genius came up with this one.  Let me tell you a story.

Once upon a time, in the year 2002, there were these crazy things called VHS tapes.  Before DVRs were a thing, people could use these devices to record and watch their favorite shows and movies directly from their televisions (which were much fatter in those times). 

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A young lady was rearranging her VHS tapes late one summer night, trying to find the perfect one to cure her boredom.  An infomercial was playing (one about the Magic Bullet blender – her favorite), and during a commercial break, the girl heard a high-pitched noise that drew her attention to the screen.

Her television screen, once colorful with brightly flashing images, now reflected only one image against a backdrop of darkness – a ring of light. As she watched, the image changed, replaced by the black-and-white image of a woman with long, dark hair standing in front of a mirror.

As the woman smiled knowingly into the camera, the image changed again – and again and again and again. Dark, disturbing pictures flashed across the screen one after another. Soon after they started, the images were gone, replaced by the dark screen with its ring of light. The girl stared transfixed as a child’s voice was heard. “You will die in seven days.” Immediately, a new commercial, this one bright and happy, replaced the image, and the girl’s semi-hypnotic gaze was broken.

The girl didn’t know what to think. Was that real? Had she just imagined it? She hadn’t had much sleep lately, but she’d never hallucinated before. She wrote down what she had seen and attempted to go to sleep.

The next day she interrogated her parents and sister. Had they seen it? Anything like it? They hadn’t, and the girl began to worry that she was going crazy.

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When the seventh day arrived, she impatiently waited for the dark and the time she had seen the strange video.  The time came and went without incident, and the girl was able to have a good night’s sleep.

She forgot about the odd images for months, her attention focused on preparing for the magical world of college.

One night in October, her college friends asked the girl if she wanted to go see the new horror movie, The Ring.  The girl jumped at the chance.  She was always up for a horror movie.  It was a good one, but when twenty minutes or so had passed, something crazy happened…

I think you know where this story is going. The creepy video I (oh, I’m the girl in the story if you didn’t know) saw in the middle of the night – with absolutely ZERO INDICATION that it was for a movie – was the cursed video from The Ring.  Who does that?!

And I just want to be clear about one thing: IT WAS AWESOME.  I flipped out a little in the theater when I saw the video that had made me think I was going crazy that summer, but I was thrilled.  You know how Naomi Watts looked pretty freaked after she saw it the first time and got the phone call? That’s how I felt. I mean, I didn’t actually think I was going to die, but it was a pretty creepy feeling. And it made me appreciate the movie that much more.

I actually feel pretty special to have been one of the people to get side-swiped by the thing.

So. Anyone else out there have a fun, late-night viewing of the CURSED video? If I never find another person that saw it, too, then I’m just going to assume they’re all dead.  Like I said. I’m special.

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