The Belko Experiment: A Gore Fan’s Review

Last night, I watched The Belko Experiment, a film written by James Gunn, the same guy who gave us Guardians of the Galaxy, Slither, and the screenplay for the 2004 Dawn of the Dead.  Mr. Gunn is quite talented, and he’s already proven that he can write horror, so I was excited to check out this movie.  The trailer promised a violent, gory ride into the world of office politics.  It did not disappoint on that front.

Is it of the same caliber as Guardians?  Absolutely not, but it was pretty entertaining, although frustrating at times.  As with many horror movies, it’s very easy to settle into the “I can’t believe they’re doing that.  If I was them, I would…” way of thinking.  It’s best to just sit back, turn off your brain, and enjoy the ride.  Unfortunately, my brain’s ‘OFF’ button wasn’t working.

WARNING: HERE BE SPOILERS

Belko has been described as a mix of Battle Royale and Office Space, and I think that’s a fair assessment.  Belko is funny at times and shows the monotonous side of the workplace environment before settling into murderous mayhem.

If I find out who took my stapler, I’ll kill em.

What starts off as an almost normal morning for the employees of Belko Industries quickly devolves into the most terrifying office meeting anyone’s ever been a part of.  Ever have a group project at work go south?  Kinda like that but with more blood and exploding heads.

A voice from the building’s intercom interrupts the peaceful day by telling everyone that two people have to be killed within the next 30 minutes.  Of course, everyone thinks it’s a prank, but then the building’s defenses kick in.  Metal plates slide over the windows and doors, and before you can say “dead end job,” they’re trapped.  Everyone groups together in the downstairs lobby, and after 30 minutes pass, a few employees get some strong headaches.  Like so strong their heads explode.

BC Powder ain’t gonna fix that.

Not surprisingly, everyone panics, and one of the characters figures out that the tracking chips implanted in the employees when they each took their jobs are to blame for the violent migraines.  Tracking chips, you ask?  Well, Belko is located in Bogota, Colombia, and the employees were told the chips were implanted to locate them in case of a kidnapping.  Just a normal day in Colombia, I guess.

Now that everyone knows Mr. Intercom was serious, he gives them another task.  This time 30 people have to die within the next 2 hours or 60 will be killed.  This is where things turn into a free-for-all between those who still believe in the sanctity of human life and those who just say “Screw it. Let’s get to killin.'”

I don’t want to give everything away here, but let’s just say lots of people die.  Very violently.  I was extremely impressed by the special effects in this film.  They gave us not one but two head smashing scenes and so many head explosions that I lost count.  I’m a gore fan, so I was not disappointed there.

The one thing that did bother me is the main character.  Now, I don’t really know how I would react in that situation – and it goes without saying that I hope I never do – but the main character just really got on my nerves at times.  Good ol’ Mike Milch, played by John Gallagher Jr., is appalled at the idea of killing his friends and co-workers like any normal person would be, but he takes it to a level that I just found annoying.  This is where I wished my brain could have turned off, but it just wasn’t happening.  I found myself not really rooting for anyone to live or die and just sat back to enjoy the violence of it all.

Okay, I take that back.  I did root for John C. McGinley’s character to die.  He did a really good job playing a creep in this movie, so yeah – he needed to go.  There was also another annoying character or two that I wasn’t sad to see kick it.  I guess I just didn’t really root for anyone in particular to live.

So should you go see The Belko Experiment?  It definitely placed third out of the three movies I’ve seen in the past few weeks, which includes Logan (So awesome!) and the highly-praised Get Out, but I think it was absolutely worth the price of the ticket.  Like I said earlier, I enjoy gore and violence in movies, so if that’s not your thing, this movie isn’t for you.  But if you’ve dreamed of killing any of your co-workers, this movie might be a cathartic experience.  Enjoy it, and let me know your thoughts in the comments.

And just as a side note: If you haven’t seen Get Out yet, what the hell is wrong with you?! Go! Go now!

Pot O’ Gold: The Leprechaun Series

Happy Saint Patrick’s Day!  I’ve always enjoyed this little holiday.  Green is my favorite color, and green beer – well, that’s just smart.  I’m not Irish or Catholic, so the religious aspect of the day isn’t something I usually think about, and I understand that celebrations of the holiday have been criticized for being too commercial and for playing on offensive stereotypes about the Irish people.

But I’m going to wear green and enjoy the day anyway. You do you.  I’ll do me.

But you didn’t come here to read about green beer or the commercialism of America.  It’s a cool topic, but – you know – horror blog.  So let’s talk about the horror movies you should be watching today.

Yep.  The Leprechaun series.

Not this guy.

Believe it or not, there are seven of these guys.  SEVEN.  And the last one just came out in 2014.  Yes. This decade got its own Leprechaun movie. There’s even one with aliens.

They get pretty wild.

The first movie came out in 1993 and starred pre-nose job future “friend” Jennifer Aniston and the ever-awesome Warwick Davis.  Davis actually plays the title character in each movie except the most recent.  You should also know him as Willow and, of course, Professor Flitwick.  He’s a pretty cool guy.

You can check out the summaries on imdb.com:

Leprechaun (1993)

Leprechaun 2 (1994)

Leprechaun 3 (1995)

Leprechaun 4: In Space (1996)

Leprechaun in the Hood (2000)

Leprechaun: Back 2 tha Hood (2003)

Leprechaun: Origins (2014)

Now, don’t they sound like fun?  They might not have the highest ratings, but did you really expect masterpiece theater from a series of movies about a murderous, evil leprechaun?  I didn’t think so.

If you’re looking for a seriously scary group of films, these ain’t it.  But they are very entertaining and pretty damn funny.  It’s nice when movies like these don’t forget what they are, and the Leprechaun series is just a bunch of fun. Plus, Leprechaun in the Hood has Ice-T.  That’s something.

So check these movies out.  Give them a chance.  What else are you going to do tonight? Go out and get drunk?

Oh. Right.

Pulsing Hearts & Bloody Arrows: Scary Valentine’s Day

Even if you don’t celebrate it, I’m sure you have an opinion about Valentine’s Day.  Love it or hate it (or just plain don’t care), if you have to do any kind of shopping, you just can’t avoid all those pink and red hearts, cupid cutouts, and chocolate, chocolate everywhere.

I fall in the category of “Hey, at least it breaks up the first quarter of the year with an event.”  I use to be one of those people that just thought it was made up and stupid, but I grew out of that because hating stuff for no good reason is just dumb.

Anyway, it’s a cutesy holiday, and while I have no problem being nice to my husband, cute just ain’t for me.  Romance movies? Blah.  No, thank you.

So what kind of creepy fun can you have for Valentine’s Day?  Well, of course, there are movies, and we can’t really talk about Valentine’s Day without mentioning THE scary movie of the holiday: My Bloody Valentine.

I own both the 1981 original and the 2009 remake starring none other than the elder Winchester, Jensen Ackles.

They’re both okay.

The original was creepy when I was a kid, and I really enjoyed the (SPOILER) twist at the end.   The remake was also fun, but it was also a little cheesy – probably because it’s made for 3D, and I didn’t watch it that way.  Lots of crazy stuff flying at the screens, which is cool, but it loses a little something in 2D.

If you haven’t seen either of them and want to hear the legend of Harry Warden, you should totally watch them now.  They aren’t the best horror movies, but they’re also not the worse.

And I will say, they’re much better than another Valentine’s Day horror movie I feel like I should mention: Valentine starring Denise Richards, David Boreanaz, and Katherine Heigl.  Very meh.

Aside from movies, you have a few other options.  Valentine’s Day cards can be made creepy with a few tweaks.  I made one a few years ago for my husband (I’ll post a pic if I can find it) that had Frankenstein’s monster and the Bride on the front with the words “Made for Each Other.”  Just because it’s not Halloween doesn’t mean you have to phone it in.

You can give your Valentine some cool flowers, like this black rose:

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Also, a bloody steak seems appropriate for the day.  And chocolate. Don’t forget about the chocolate.  That’s non-negotiable (unless you’re allergic and then you get a pass).

I hope everyone has a very Happy Valentine’s Day!

Halloween Lingers

I’m still finding Halloween items at some of my favorite stores.  It’s not all grade-A material, but if you’re looking to satisfy your Halloween fix – you know, just to tide you over – then let me suggest checking out the following stores:

Kohl’s

I’m not sure if your Kohl’s is the same as mine, but my local store has a whole section of clearance merchandise tucked away in a random home decor and bedding aisle.  If you’re up for some spelunking, you should be able to find something to your liking.  Maybe a placemat or two.

Barnes & Noble

Being the sales guru I am, I know that Barnes & Noble stores do a seasonal clearance at least twice a year, usually at the very beginning of the year after the holidays are over and then again somewhere in the middle.  I went to scope out the sitch a few days ago and was quite pleasantly surprised to find a few fun goodies.

They also had this cool book that let you create your own zombie out of their flip pages:

Check out this cool one I made:

Those two stores are the best I’ve found for having old items still hanging around, but you should also check out clearance sections anywhere including Michael’s, Tuesday Morning, and many more.

Of course, if none of that does it for you, just make your own post-season Halloween crafts and feel good knowing that Halloween is only a short 284 days away…

Coming Soon 2017

For all the horror movie fans out there like myself, 2017 is going to be a fun year.  We’ve got a lot of new ideas to enjoy and some old favorites to revisit.  Here’s the list:

Movie TitleIMDb LinkRelease Date
Underworld: Blood WarsIMDbJanuary 6
The Bye Bye ManIMDbJanuary 13
SplitIMDbJanuary 20
Resident Evil: The Final ChapterIMDbJanuary 27
RingsIMDbFebruary 3
Patient ZeroIMDbFebruary 17
Get OutIMDbFebruary 24
RawIMDbMarch 10
The Belko ExperimentIMDbMarch 17
LifeIMDbMarch 24
PrevengeIMDbMarch 24
The VoidIMDbApril 7
Phoenix ForgottenIMDbApril 21
Alien: CovenantIMDbMay 19
It Comes at NightIMDbJune 9
The MummyIMDbJune 9
47 Meters DownIMDbJune 23
Amityville: The AwakeningIMDbJune 30
Wish UponIMDbJune 30
The Dark TowerIMDbJuly 28
Annabelle 2IMDbAugust 11
PolaroidIMDbAugust 25
ItIMDbSeptember 8
Friend RequestIMDbSeptember 22
Flatliners IMDbSeptember 29
Insidious: Chapter 4IMDbOctober 20
God ParticleIMDbOctober 27
Saw: LegacyIMDbOctober 27
He's Out ThereIMDbDecember 1
Keep WatchingIMDbTBD 2017

Sequels, remakes, and reboots are everywhere you look, but I’m not complaining.  Jason Voorhees gets to drop in for a visit in October along with Jigsaw, and the new It movie really has my interest.  What movies are you looking forward to most in 2017?

UPDATE MARCH 18, 2017:  The list has been updated after consulting IMDb to see what I’ve missed.  You might notice that the newest Friday the 13th movie has been removed.  I’m sorry to say that it’s been cancelled due to the poor performance of Rings.  I know, I know.  I’m sad, too, but we still have many  horror movies to keep us busy this year.

Happy New Year!

Well, I hope everyone has had a great couple of months.  I took a bit of a longer break than planned, but it’s time to get back to bidness.

I’ll be posting at least once a week, more if I am able to fit it in.  Make sure you follow my blog and facebook page for updates, and check back here soon for a list of upcoming horror movies for the year.  There’s going to be a lot of them, so you better count for an increase in your entertainment budget for the year.  See you soon!

 

364 Days Until Halloween!

I hope everyone had a fantastic, super-awesome, terrifying (in a good way), fun, eventful Halloween.  I dressed up as a clown, and – guess what? – no one shot me!  I was also the recipient of several compliments about my yard, so I was very pleased.

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Now, it’s time to count down to next year’s Halloween celebration.  I’ll be posting about movies, scary stories, creepy events, etc… throughout the year, but I’m taking the month of November off for NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writers Month).  Wish me luck!

Check back in December for new posts!  Until then, check out my past posts for fun lists, DIY projects, and more.  As always, if you have any questions, please feel free to leave a comment or contact me through the contact page.

It’s Almost Time: Halloween Creeps Closer

Halloween is just days away, and I hope you all have everything ready for the big night.  I’m currently on vacation in the Big Easy, so – don’t be jealous – I might be on a ghost tour as you’re reading this.  I’ve had to get things ready a little early this year because of my vacay, and since I made a checklist to ensure I wouldn’t leave anything out, I thought I’d share with everyone.

Halloween Checklist

Candy – Go big if you can.  This is some kids’ favorite night of the year, and a full-size candy bar makes it that much…sweeter (I couldn’t resist).

Teal Pumpkin – Some children have deadly allergies, so they can’t partake in the usual sweet treats this time of year.  Thanks to the Teal Pumpkin Project, you’ve got a way to help them out.  Set out a teal pumpkin and provide non-food treats so that everyone can participate.

Costume – Have all parts of your costume ready.  You definitely don’t want to venture out to a Halloween store on the day.  It’s a freakin’ madhouse.

Jack O’ Lantern – You definitely don’t want to forget your carved pumpkin because you don’t want the spirits messing with you.

Decorations – For god’s sakes, put out something creepy.  It’s not hard.  Spiderwebs are so easy.  Foam tombstones are super-cheap.  I just don’t see enough Halloween decorations nowadays, and it just makes me sad.

Food – If you’re having a party, check out Pinterest for some great ideas for creepy appetizers and deadly desserts.  Or if you want to go easy, make sure you order pizza way ahead of time.  Halloween is one of the busiest nights for pizza places.  Don’t call too late.

Shopping List – I don’t know about you, but the day after Halloween is my biggest shopping day of the year.

I hope everyone is ready for the big night!

Easy Halloween Cupcakes

Looking for an easy dessert for your Halloween party?  Look no further than the cupcake.  They’re easy to make, and with some Halloween-themed cupcake holders and a little bit of icing and candy, you can make a creepy and disgusting (looking) treat.

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Check out this ghost cupcake I made with just a little bit of chocolate and vanilla icings.  All you need to do is freehand a blob.  I happened to have some Halloween sprinkles on hand, so the eyes and mouth were crazy simple.

This is also the time of year you can find some gross-looking candy, so put it to good use.  I was looking for some gummy body parts, but I happened upon some eye gum balls that I opted to use instead.

I made two different types with the eyes.  I used some food coloring to make a nasty green icing and layered that atop a dark chocolate cupcake.  Add some sprinkles and the gumball, and you’ve got a cauldron:

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I also just really felt like making some edible blood, so these vanilla cupcakes turned out really nice:

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The Walking Dead spoiler alert!!!  I made these in honor of fallen hero Glen’s death.  Poor guy.  I don’t know about you, but that hit me hard.

I hope you have fun with your Halloween treats!